born to be Womanizer

as i was trying to be the best girlfriend to him, he is busy to other "stuff" that he didn't notice my effort anymore.

first year, first picture. he was my friend sa facebook. but there is nothing in there. i mean, a typical guy who is not interested in this kind of social network. the only picture in that account is the one that is on the profile. since he gave his email account to me before, i tried to log in using that email. when i was browsing the photos, i saw a picture tagged to him which is on a private mode. the picture? they were hugging, their hands are wrapped on each other's waist. wtf! i saw the date and it was october 2009. and we are on that time. so i confronted him. he told me it was nothing. that the girl he was hugging is just celebrating her birthday. it took me days to week to forgive him completely. because i love him. i forgive and forget. besides, i dont have enough evidence that would tell me that they have a relationship.

going to two year aniversary. second time around. this time a girl from the past. a girl who was part of his teen days. i felt the coldness. so again, with the help of facebook, i checked his account and tadahhhh!!! another surprise for me! this time a conversation. i saw i love you's, sweet conversations, etc. i felt my heart beats very fast, that warm feeling that filled my head, my eyes started to cry, questions started to run. i called him. i wanted to see him and talk to him. but he refused. i cried and cried. he called me and was aking for my fogiveness. but i cant give it to him then. but then again. because i want him to stay in my life. because i love him so much. i forgive him and gave another chance. i told him that this will be the last. he promised. (when someone promised me a thing, i am expecting that they will keep that promise no matter what).

as days goes by our relationship is getting better and better. i still check his facebook from time to time. we date, go out of town, spend time together, i go to their house. we were so happy back then. we always make sure that we will have a date at least once a week... until early this year, i got too busy on my work because i have to go on duty for 12 to 16hours a day everyday. my rest days are almost spend on sleeping. i don't have time to talk to him because that was the time that we have so many patients and the nurses are resigning,so we have to go on overtime.

i had problems at work and with my manager, every time i am telling him wat happened to my duty it seems that he is not listening. he is not intersted anymore. i was bullied by our manager. it came to the point that i dont want to go to work because i was scared that my manager will look for an error to blame on me. my parents didn't want me to quit. they want me to stay until my 3rd aniversary in the hospital. but one day our manager said something really bad to me, i came home crying. i was calling him. hoping that he would comfort me. but he was busy with his friends. so after that event i resigned.

i have more time for him now. the last time we had date. he was very sweet. we normally kiss before saying goodbye. but this time he hugged me so tight. then it hit me. my instict is telling something to me. when i got home i checked his email and facebook... and again for the 3rd time he has other woman! what the hell is wrong with me?? am i not enough? i always tell him i love him. i showed my love. i gave everything i can. i do everything for him. i kept my promises. i loved him so much with all my heart to the point that i can still forgive him. i felt my world fall apart. i am having a chest pain because i cant stand the feeling. i was so hurt and broken. but still i talked to him as if nothing is wrong. i asked him. then he said nothing. then suddenly my tears burst. i cant breathe anymore. im still waiting for his answer. i begged him. but still he didn't talk. so i left him. all the conversations they had i was able to read it. as in everything. the most painful- the part of their conversation that he was so mad at her because he was jealous. (which he never felt to me-maybe because he is aware that i wont leave him. that i love him so much. that no matter what horrible things he do to me i can forgive and accept him again to my life) another thing that hurt me so much. i saw a picture of them- just woke up,  the girl is wearing a bra and they were sweetly smiling to that shot. he called me after 2 days, i guess, then explained everything. i listened. just listened and was crying and thinking what i have done wrong for him to treat me like this. i dont want to lose him. i spent several nights thinking the things we had. the happy moments. so i give in after 2 weeks. we meet again and we talked. i told him that this is another chance. i tried to get things back to normal. but from time to time i will suddenly remember all the things he done to me. i asked how he ended things between them. he will just answer "basta i ended it, that's it". until i found out that they are still having conversations. i give up and left him. but now he is begging for me to comeback to him.  i guess if you gave everything to a person to the point that there's nothing left for yourself, it would be hard to go back because you have nothing to offer anymore. all you have to do is to feel the pain, heal the wound, and forget all the bad things that happened.

i prayed to God to give me a sign if i have to move on or do i have to go back to him then He answered my prayers through another person... and another story begun.