new work... new life,..

after two months of job hunting. i finally got a job. thank you Lord. because it was really boring to stay at home and i don't even have money to spend.

it was a new company here in the philippines- meaning it was a mass hiring. there were more than 200 employees who are all nurses waiting for the qualifying exam (which is the last requirement before we can proceed to contract signing). first day. it felt like first day in the school. ive known a very few people when i was applying for this job. so i texted my first friend in this new industry. we took the exam and passed. after lunch, we went back to the office and find seat for the 3 of us- they became my new best friends. my new work is in the BPO industry but not the typical call center. we are all nurses who have to read the patient's chart on the computer and encode all the physician's diagnosis. so the set up in the office is like a big room with lots of computers (sorry to sound stupid, i came from a hospital and i do not have an idea what is an office looks like. i saw some from the t.v but of course mostly are exaggerated) we will have an orientation and training for the next few weeks.

second day: people are excited on what we are going to do in this new job. i can tell, they are very competitive. our lecturers are americans, they will personally train us. actually i was not that interested. because in my mind this is just temporary. i already have plans for my career. i am applying to go to other country for greener pasteur, i need this job so that i can have money to spend for my application. it seems to me that this new work wont give me a professional growth. but still i want to try and concentrate on whatever i have right now. i have to enjoy this and besides i really need this. its time to go home. i was on the line waiting for the bus when someone approched me. he asked me "miss, is this the bus going to the mall" i just nodded. to tell you guys, im a snob. i dont talk to people or if they asked me i wont even look at them. when i checked the line it was long, i wondered "who is this person who have to ask me when there's alot of people behind me" o well, it doesn't matter anyway. i got on the bus and seated near the door. i noticed a person approaching me again. he introduced himself to me. he is Apollo (not his true name). he is one of my officemates. were both seated on the same row on training but i dont know him. he's making conversation- asking my name,my previous work, year graduated, how do i go to work and blah blah. one question made me laugh, he asked me "do you have a family?" i was like, what was his question? so i replied "you mean, own kids and husband?" then i laughed. for the first time in my life someone asked me that kind of question. [we are only 200 students when we graduated in college. same faces when we work in the hospital. so most of the people i know are same as my age] he is 9 years older than me. he asked for my number, since his my officemate, i gave it to him. :)

born to be Womanizer

as i was trying to be the best girlfriend to him, he is busy to other "stuff" that he didn't notice my effort anymore.

first year, first picture. he was my friend sa facebook. but there is nothing in there. i mean, a typical guy who is not interested in this kind of social network. the only picture in that account is the one that is on the profile. since he gave his email account to me before, i tried to log in using that email. when i was browsing the photos, i saw a picture tagged to him which is on a private mode. the picture? they were hugging, their hands are wrapped on each other's waist. wtf! i saw the date and it was october 2009. and we are on that time. so i confronted him. he told me it was nothing. that the girl he was hugging is just celebrating her birthday. it took me days to week to forgive him completely. because i love him. i forgive and forget. besides, i dont have enough evidence that would tell me that they have a relationship.

going to two year aniversary. second time around. this time a girl from the past. a girl who was part of his teen days. i felt the coldness. so again, with the help of facebook, i checked his account and tadahhhh!!! another surprise for me! this time a conversation. i saw i love you's, sweet conversations, etc. i felt my heart beats very fast, that warm feeling that filled my head, my eyes started to cry, questions started to run. i called him. i wanted to see him and talk to him. but he refused. i cried and cried. he called me and was aking for my fogiveness. but i cant give it to him then. but then again. because i want him to stay in my life. because i love him so much. i forgive him and gave another chance. i told him that this will be the last. he promised. (when someone promised me a thing, i am expecting that they will keep that promise no matter what).

as days goes by our relationship is getting better and better. i still check his facebook from time to time. we date, go out of town, spend time together, i go to their house. we were so happy back then. we always make sure that we will have a date at least once a week... until early this year, i got too busy on my work because i have to go on duty for 12 to 16hours a day everyday. my rest days are almost spend on sleeping. i don't have time to talk to him because that was the time that we have so many patients and the nurses are resigning,so we have to go on overtime.

i had problems at work and with my manager, every time i am telling him wat happened to my duty it seems that he is not listening. he is not intersted anymore. i was bullied by our manager. it came to the point that i dont want to go to work because i was scared that my manager will look for an error to blame on me. my parents didn't want me to quit. they want me to stay until my 3rd aniversary in the hospital. but one day our manager said something really bad to me, i came home crying. i was calling him. hoping that he would comfort me. but he was busy with his friends. so after that event i resigned.

i have more time for him now. the last time we had date. he was very sweet. we normally kiss before saying goodbye. but this time he hugged me so tight. then it hit me. my instict is telling something to me. when i got home i checked his email and facebook... and again for the 3rd time he has other woman! what the hell is wrong with me?? am i not enough? i always tell him i love him. i showed my love. i gave everything i can. i do everything for him. i kept my promises. i loved him so much with all my heart to the point that i can still forgive him. i felt my world fall apart. i am having a chest pain because i cant stand the feeling. i was so hurt and broken. but still i talked to him as if nothing is wrong. i asked him. then he said nothing. then suddenly my tears burst. i cant breathe anymore. im still waiting for his answer. i begged him. but still he didn't talk. so i left him. all the conversations they had i was able to read it. as in everything. the most painful- the part of their conversation that he was so mad at her because he was jealous. (which he never felt to me-maybe because he is aware that i wont leave him. that i love him so much. that no matter what horrible things he do to me i can forgive and accept him again to my life) another thing that hurt me so much. i saw a picture of them- just woke up,  the girl is wearing a bra and they were sweetly smiling to that shot. he called me after 2 days, i guess, then explained everything. i listened. just listened and was crying and thinking what i have done wrong for him to treat me like this. i dont want to lose him. i spent several nights thinking the things we had. the happy moments. so i give in after 2 weeks. we meet again and we talked. i told him that this is another chance. i tried to get things back to normal. but from time to time i will suddenly remember all the things he done to me. i asked how he ended things between them. he will just answer "basta i ended it, that's it". until i found out that they are still having conversations. i give up and left him. but now he is begging for me to comeback to him.  i guess if you gave everything to a person to the point that there's nothing left for yourself, it would be hard to go back because you have nothing to offer anymore. all you have to do is to feel the pain, heal the wound, and forget all the bad things that happened.

i prayed to God to give me a sign if i have to move on or do i have to go back to him then He answered my prayers through another person... and another story begun.

testing

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problems as a couple #1

money. well for me that is okay- i mean i understand his situation, he didn't want that to happen, he got fired from his work, then i offered help, as in i gave money every sweldo to him. that lasted i guess for more or less than a year. he is 5 years older than me. at that time i was thinking if i really want him, kase as a girl, i want to be financially secure. i think almost all of the girls are like that, not naman na sobrang yaman dapat ng guy, financially secure- in my own definition, he knows how to handle his own money and knows how to save. i am not the type of girl na nagpapa libre. if i have, i'll offer my share. if wala, sinasabi ko agad sakanya. we talked about it and he promised that he will do it, not for me, but for his own good. then he got a job. he started to earn money again. kaso masyado ata siyang na-excite. when he got his money, he bought a stereo, motorcyle-which is brother nya ang gumasgas and sumira, appliances for their house-which is okay lang, ipod, cellphones, branded clothes. he is the breadwinner of the family, so i never asked anything from him. kaya his mom likes me, kase daw i helped them nung time na may financial problem sila. (hindi naman malaki sweldo ko eh, but almost half i gave it to them) and never ko iniwan anak niya. it is because i love him so much. imagine i am just a nurse here in the Philippines, the money i earned is not that big, i have my own obligations and responsibilities to my own family, but i helped them first even sobrang wala na ko. i didn't tell him that until now. he didn't know my sacrifices, because i didn't show it to him. i have to be strong for him, i have to help him, i know it was hurting his ego every time i give the money. but we have no choice. so there good for him nakahanap siya ng job.

only boyfriend and only EX

to start this story....

i had a boyfriend for almost 3 years. i've known him from a friend when i was in high school. i saw him for couple of times only. we txted or talk for some time, then biglang mawawala, then he will text again, then wala ulit, that lasted until college. when i was in 3rd year college i went to my h.s friend's house and he was there, syempre it was a party, everyone's drunk including me. i know something is going to happen that night, and there, tama nga ako. i was 17 back then. too young and didn't even think. but it was okay. i know i like him and i've known him for years already. seems "malandi" but believe me, it only happened once. after that night, we started to date. no formal na kame. it was like M.U. so go with the flow lang. i don't want to expect anything. until one day, nawala siya bigla. i was like "uhm... what happened?" i didn't get any message from him, so hinayaan ko nalang, then i found out that he has a girlfriend. since i was in college at that time and there are lots of things to do, i concentrated on my studies. we dated i think for less than a year (i'm not really into countings.hehe). i finished college without a boyfriend. hehe. then i passed the board exam and started to work in a hospital as a nurse. it was january 2009, i met him again, because my hs friendwants to see me after several years, so gimik, shot ulit, then hinatid niya ko sa house namen. he kissed me. i didn't stop him maybe because i missed him. and then start ulit of another "relationship", at first M.U lang ulit. para bang we are waiting for each other kung sino una mgco-confess. of course, matigas ako, i won't be the first one to tell anything. so there, text lang ulit, no facebook pa that time, friendster palang, so don message kame. he's from bulacan kase so medyo malayo. on my birthday, i invited him, kaso hindi siya pumunta. i can't remember the exact reason. basta di siya pumunta. from that "tampuhan" he became sweet and caring, like he was courting me for real, which is di niya ginawa before. i supposed to introduce him to my parents and sister but there was a problem, my sister knew him, i used to tell our stories to my sister, as in everything, i even cried to her when i found out that he has a girlfriend. so how can i introduce him to my family if that was the situation back then, right? its kinda embarrassing. so hinayaan ko nalang. he was first boyfriend (and only X, it was the only relationship i had ever).

no one wants to listen

this is my first blog ever.. since i can sense that no one wants to listen anymore, i decided to make this blog. maybe they are not that interested in my stories anymore or maybe it is irritating to listen to me. i somehow feel that my problems are too "mababaw" and may be others don't consider it as a problem.

i am not the type of person na pinapalaki ang mga problems (as in sa lovelife, which i guess is the only problem i have in my life). it usually solve on their own, i don't know how it happened. but this time, its really different. its bothering me for weeks now. of course, this is a typical boy-girl love story. i'm sure that there are people who also had these problems.